


the worst thing

by KuroFae



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A lot of hugging happens but it's not happy, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 20:50:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18454379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroFae/pseuds/KuroFae
Summary: It takes Jester a few minutes to gather the strength to untangle herself from Nott and Kiri’s embrace. She feels weak down to her bones, and can feel dampness on her cheeks.She hadn’t realized she’d been crying. The tips of Nott’s - Veth’s? Jester still isn’t sure what she prefers - claws are shaking slightly against her arm with emotion. The sadness hasn’t lessened. Theguilthasn’t lessened.





	the worst thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stonestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stonestars/gifts).
  * Inspired by [a curious little thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448787) by [stonestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stonestars/pseuds/stonestars). 



It takes Jester a few minutes to gather the strength to untangle herself from Nott and Kiri’s embrace. She feels weak down to her bones, and can feel dampness on her cheeks.She hadn’t realized she’d been crying. The tips of Nott’s - Veth’s? Jester still isn’t sure what she prefers - claws are shaking slightly against her arm with emotion. The sadness hasn’t lessened. The _guilt_ hasn’t lessened. 

She pulls away gently from the two of them. Nott lets go of her arms as she goes and stops crowding around Kiri, but simply turns around and leans into Yeza’s side. He looks confused; a little worried, but places a hand tentatively on her arm and rubs it comfortingly. Jester glances back down at Kiri, who is staring at her with wide, dark eyes, head tilted to the side in curiosity. It’s a mirror to Yeza’s expression, a mix of confusion and worry, and Jester feels something tug in her chest at the pure innocence of it all.

For all that Kiri had experienced with the Mighty Nein, she was just a child. That was part of why they had found her a home in Hupperdook. She needed a stable place to call home, somewhere where she could live out her childhood in relative safety and come home to a warm bed and a meal everyday. Jester had those things not too many years ago. She knows Fjord hadn’t, and she also knows that Fjord’s covered in scars, physical and otherwise. Kiri deserved safety, deserved to be sheltered from the harsher world until she was old enough to handle it. Jester had taught her how to tell people off, to get them to leave her alone. Fjord had handed her a dagger. They’d done their best in the interim, but Hupperdook had been the long-term solution. And yet, here she is, only a few months later, coming back to shatter that safety, that shelter from the horrors of Wildmount.

“Oh, Kiri…” Jester sighs. She sniffles, and wipes the back of her hand across her tear-stained face. “I’m sorry, Kiri.”

“I’m sorry,” Kiri repeats back. The feathers along her neck ruffle up and she shifts back a little, looking guilty. It’s an expression that twists in Jester’s gut.

“Oh no Kiri! You didn’t do anything wrong!” Jester reassures her, scooting forward on her knees to cup the side of Kiri’s face, the feather soft under her fingers, “Not at all.”

“Not at all.”

“Yes, not at all.” 

“Okay,” Kiri chirps, still in Jester’s voice. She blinks slowly up at Jester. Expectantly. Still confused.

It’s too hard to say. The words get caught in her throat every time, guilt choking them down. She should have been there. She should have been there, she should have fought harder against the Shepherds, she should have bought a diamond the moment she realized she needed one while they were still in Zadash. All the power of the Traveller coursing through her veins, and all she could do was tuck a single card into the soil. Molly had been her partner in crime, her _brother_ , and she hadn’t been there when he - when all of the Nein - needed her most. 

Something must be showing on her face as she stares down at Kiri, because the girl thrills softly, gently, like she’s approaching a small, timid animal. The feathers on the top of her head brush against Jester’s chin as she leans in, and Jester feels small wings rise up past her sides, small clawed fingers at the end clutching at the back of her cloak. 

“Okay. Okay,” Kiri trills, and Jester feels a sob wrench its way out of her chest.

Her hands reach up, wrapping into the back of Kiri’s tiny tunic. She doesn’t wail, or sob, not after the first one. Because Kiri is a child, and Jester is an adult, and she needs to be strong. She is strong. She can do it. Kiri needs to know what happened and Jester is strong.

“I will be okay, Kiri,” Jester murmurs, separating them again. _Look at her. She needs you to be strong for her. Let her see you._ “But something very, very sad happened.”

Kiri’s eyes, wide as saucers already, widen even further. She opens her beak and low growling noise comes out, and it takes Jester a second to place it as the growls of the crocodile-creatures in the swamp, the ones they had rescued her from. 

“Worse than that,” Jester says weakly, and clasps Kiri’s small talon in her own hand. It’s trembling. “We went somewhere dangerous after we said goodbye to you and your little family and - and something very bad happened.” She takes a deep, deep breath, and out of the corner of her eye she can see Nott’s head turn back towards them. Her golden eyes are swollen and puffy, darker green around the edges. She detaches from Yeza, placing a hand on Jester’s shoulder. It helps just enough to get the words out.

“Molly didn’t make it back.”

Her voice cracks at the end and her vision immediately goes blurry as more tears force their way out. Nott’s hand tightens, and Kiri’s hand shakes even harder in her grasp. It’s awful. This is the worst thing Jester’s ever had to do. She’s holding the hand of one of her favourite people in the world and not elbow-deep in a demon’s chest cavity, but this is the worst. She can feel the grief and the guilt churning in her upper chest, constricting her windpipe and winding down and out to the rest of her body. It’s hot and cold at the same time, burning. 

Kiri trembles against her chest, and lets out a low wail that chills Jester as the grief burns. It’s long and drawn out and painstakingly sorrow-filled. It’s not a noise Jester’s ever heard in her life, and she immediately knows she never wants to hear it again. 

“I’m so sorry, Kiri,” She repeats, and then again. “I’m so, so sorry. I wanted you to know - I know it hurts so badly but you deserved to know, he was your family too, and-”

Kiri chirps over her. Her face is sorrow stricken, but in Nott’s cheery voice she belts out, “Welcome to the Mighty Nein!” A pause. Jester’s choked up, tear-strained voice; “Your family.”

“Our family,” Nott murmurs over Jester’s shoulder. Jester nods.

“Our family.” She chokes out, and tightens her grip on Kiri’s hand, pulling her in closer.

“Take care of them,” Kiri says, Molly’s voice wrapping around the three of them. Try as Jester might to keep it in, another sob forces its way out of her throat.

“Take care of them,” Kiri repeats, and Jester can feel her tears start to soak into the front of her dress. “Take care of them.”

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: http://kurofae.tumblr.com


End file.
